Rainbow Connection

Dealing with my sexuality has made a big difference in my ability to live in the world. It has opened up a spectrum of feeling and experiencing that I didn't have energy for when I was trying so hard to police myself because I didn't want to feel certain things. Perhaps it makes the painful things hurt more, but it also opens up the possibility of so many more beautiful experiences. I know life is likely to override this sense of wonder at times, but I hope I will be able to sustain it at least incrementally, throughout my life.

cherry blossoms, and the evening star.

I have to get through this one little bump for myself, first. Just like you have to make these decisions for yourself. I wish I could do it with the assurance that we will be coming home to each other afterwards, but logically I know that isn't possible. This is a complicated negotiation, and one I'm rather afraid of, because we could just as easily end up wanting to be apart, as wanting to be together. It is all too early, still.
And then I walk outside, and the cherry trees are still in full bloom, and the stars still come out every night, and anything seems possible.

Coming out

I... brought something else, I said, rummaging through my bag to extract the paperback I'd been thinking about all the way here. Annie on my Mind. I thought I might read this to you, if that would be alright. I really want to talk to you about it. Let's see, said my mother reaching for it. I held on to it, keeping the cover concealed. I'll let you see once we've spoken about it, I said. You might have to finish reading it yourself, but I want to at least open the conversation. She looked hurt, but I wasn't to be dissuaded. This was too important to me to be talked out of it.
....
I had just finished reading the section about the girl's first kiss when I finally had the courage to meet my parent's eyes. They were both crying, and that started me off, too. I closed the book, and turned to face them.
Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? I asked, speaking really softly to keep the quiver out of my voice.
I don't want to hear it, my mother said, leaping up and brushing past me on her way out the door.
Dad? He hadn't moved since I began reading, and I had no reference for the expression on his face. Finally, he met my gaze, briefly, through pain-filled, tear-filled eyes, before standing up slowly, as though he feared his legs wouldn't hold him, and following my mother into the yard.

changing hats

Working together has its challenges, and those are going to continue. But as there is no way around that, we're just going to have to get used to not taking work stuff personally. The power structures of those two aspects of our relationship are distinctly different, and can't bleed into one another.
I still think you're cute, though, which ever hat you're wearing!

Cherry blossoms

We fell in love under the cherry blossoms. For one day, the world was pink and green and glowing, and I wanted nothing more than to be right where I was, by your side.