panic

I'm feeling almost panicked. I just don't know how we will interact now, with all this water under the bridge, and I kind of think that it will have an impact on how I live through this experience. I want to give this a chance, because it is something i have wanted for a long time, and it seems really good, but my instinct is telling me that everything that happened between us wasn't just an anomaly. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't like being hurt by you. Why won't you communicate with me!?! What happened? Why are we at this impass, and what do I need to do to break it?
Please, for goodness sake, don't cancel thursday. I don't know if I could bear it if you did. How am I going to live through those months without you? And why did all of this happen if only to end here? Why do you say things like that, and why did you touch me like that? Or rather, why did you do all that if you didn't want to follow through?