It can be so difficult to really know someone. And in the end, do we ever? I really want to make relationships work, some more than others, but finding that equilibrium is hellish. I don't know how people fit with me, or how to make these relationships function comfortably, but well. That doesn't make a lot of sense, but basically, I have this friend, or something more than a friend... Not in a romantic sense, but just a person who is significant to me in a different way. I know she's not happy. Just because I know her. But I am so terrified of prying, or crossing professional boundaries, or whatever they call it, that I am completely paralyzed into doing nothing. Thing is, as much as I love working in this day and age where relationships are fluid, and flexible, and people can mean different things to you all at once, I don't know how to negotiate that. I care deeply about lots of people. That doesn't mean that I am necessarily 'in love' with them, particularly in a sexual sense, but I am affectionate, and concerned, and that can be misinterpreted. Particularly because I am not particularly 'in love' with anyone, right now. It can be easy to mix up my particular brand of love with that type, and that doesn't work very well. I hate to sound hackneyed, but I don't know whether I believe in 'that kind of love.' I certainly want something like that, but I can't help thinking that the only thing that distinguishes it from this kind of love is sex. Perhaps that's not a bad thing, but if these relationships are so difficult to mannage, how tough will that type be? no wonder I broke my engagement months before I planned to get married. I have too many of these types of relationships to deal with first.
