control

My mom wants so badly to save me from the pain of struggling and failing. I experience that as controlling. I can't learn without failing. But I'm trying to save S from pain too, and that is controlling. I'm not trusting her to survive. She deserves better than that from me. I can survive this. I can survive recognizing that I've done a really bad thing, I can see it and recognize it, and know that I will fall down a bunch more, but I'm capable of confronting this. I can survive this. I will survive more falls and they will be horrifying crappy too, and I'll learn from them.