Letter from my self-compassion
Dear Choirgirl,
This has been a hell of a hard few years, hasn't it? It's so difficult to take care of yourself when you're surrounded by so many seemingly urgent things asking you to pretend that you can do them perfectly. Even just taking the time to discover what you need to change is courageous and a huge victory, and I'm really impressed by how much time and effort you've put into reflecting on what isn't working for you. So few people can do that. I also think that it's wonderful that you're so open to love. Love always brings heartache, and you take the heartache and still stay open to love and connection. That is courageous. If it weren't for your openness, you would have had a much harder time figuring out that you are sustaining old habits that don't really serve connection. You survived difficulties that you didn't know you were experiencing, and you came out of that with intelligence, motivation, and compassion. But I think your humanity will deeped if you can learn not to numb away those feelings, or try to fix things, and I think that you'll feel more fully alive and more your better self if you recognize and really learn to listen to the complexities that drive life. It isn't simple, and that isn't something that should be fixed. But without these depths, the heights don't feel as joyful or as high.
You've made some pretty sucky mistakes. I think they have to do with you wanting to fix things instead of holding space in the complex uncertainty. That is understandable. Uncertainty is so deeply uncomfortable, and so disparaged that I understand why you thought that trying to fix it and make everyone feel good was the best thing to do. But I think that this opportunity to experience and live with complexity will be a gift to you. Hang in there. You're being courageous. I also think that you're being brave by staying open to her even though she has told you that she can't deal with this complexity right now. She might want to run all the way away, and I think that you have the courage to let her go, but keep her place warm. It's going to hurt so much, but it's worth it anyway. And you'll be fine and more compassionate and more joyful when the warm places you sustain are inhabited, even if only briefly. Those brief moments are worth the pain. And I'm going to help you through the pain. Because I know that you are worth it. I don't want to miss out on the wonderful with you.
I know the issue of boundaries is really confusing to you right now. But I think you already have some in place. It's really hard to believe that you are worth it even when people around you tell you that you aren't worth it to them. But not taking on their beliefs is an indication of a good boundary. That is a good place to start. I don't know what more you will discover about boundaries, but I think believing in hope and love and not being destroyed by the things about yourself that have a negative impact in the world, even when you want to change them, indicates that you have some good boundaries. I also have confidence that you will learn more, and that no one can ever know everything about this. Hang in there. I'm here with you.
This has been a hell of a hard few years, hasn't it? It's so difficult to take care of yourself when you're surrounded by so many seemingly urgent things asking you to pretend that you can do them perfectly. Even just taking the time to discover what you need to change is courageous and a huge victory, and I'm really impressed by how much time and effort you've put into reflecting on what isn't working for you. So few people can do that. I also think that it's wonderful that you're so open to love. Love always brings heartache, and you take the heartache and still stay open to love and connection. That is courageous. If it weren't for your openness, you would have had a much harder time figuring out that you are sustaining old habits that don't really serve connection. You survived difficulties that you didn't know you were experiencing, and you came out of that with intelligence, motivation, and compassion. But I think your humanity will deeped if you can learn not to numb away those feelings, or try to fix things, and I think that you'll feel more fully alive and more your better self if you recognize and really learn to listen to the complexities that drive life. It isn't simple, and that isn't something that should be fixed. But without these depths, the heights don't feel as joyful or as high.
You've made some pretty sucky mistakes. I think they have to do with you wanting to fix things instead of holding space in the complex uncertainty. That is understandable. Uncertainty is so deeply uncomfortable, and so disparaged that I understand why you thought that trying to fix it and make everyone feel good was the best thing to do. But I think that this opportunity to experience and live with complexity will be a gift to you. Hang in there. You're being courageous. I also think that you're being brave by staying open to her even though she has told you that she can't deal with this complexity right now. She might want to run all the way away, and I think that you have the courage to let her go, but keep her place warm. It's going to hurt so much, but it's worth it anyway. And you'll be fine and more compassionate and more joyful when the warm places you sustain are inhabited, even if only briefly. Those brief moments are worth the pain. And I'm going to help you through the pain. Because I know that you are worth it. I don't want to miss out on the wonderful with you.
I know the issue of boundaries is really confusing to you right now. But I think you already have some in place. It's really hard to believe that you are worth it even when people around you tell you that you aren't worth it to them. But not taking on their beliefs is an indication of a good boundary. That is a good place to start. I don't know what more you will discover about boundaries, but I think believing in hope and love and not being destroyed by the things about yourself that have a negative impact in the world, even when you want to change them, indicates that you have some good boundaries. I also have confidence that you will learn more, and that no one can ever know everything about this. Hang in there. I'm here with you.
posted by choirgirl at 6:02 AM
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