Shifting emotions

I'm so ANGRY! I am angry that I've been treated so badly, that I am not given the benefit of the doubt, and that I have to scramble to make something functional out of all of this. I'm angry that you told me you would be there, that if I just asked there would be people there. There aren't. Wishful thinking. You talked me into trusting you, and into opening this pandora's box, and I tried so hard to meet you in your needs, and then when I needed you you ditched me. You didn't even have the decency to tell me that you had changed your mind. You tried to convince me that it was good for me too. It wasn't. I needed support. That's the thing everyone says you need when stuff sucks like this. Reach out for supportive friends and family. Well my family suck, and aren't supportive, and you ditched me and now I'm terrified to reach out to any other friends. I'm angry, and I'm an unpleasant person right now, and no, no one throws you a lifeline when you ask for it. They just tell you what you should have done before. But no one wants to be there when you really need them. I wish I could muster hate for you, but I can't. Just anger and heartbreak and I miss you so much. I want to throw you away the way you threw me away. I want to just say "I'm better off without you." But I just miss you.