Is it bad grace
Is it bad grace to not reveal something that could have a very serious impact on you to you, because of a confidentiality matter elsewhere? I am privy to this information under terms of work confidentiality, but have a moral and emotional trust with the person whom this information affects. My ultimate loyalty lies with this person, and not with the work associate, but I don’t know what good revealing this to the person whom it may affect will do. It could just lead to more stress and antagonism, and ultimately have a negative result.
I know that you are being protected by particular higher-ups, and I’m relieved by that, but I suspect that the direction this trouble is headed, that may be more of a disadvantage, than an advantage. Don’t feel too safe. Don’t relax too much, but don’t loose sight of that perspective you mentioned. I’m afraid of losing sight of reality here, because I’m just so subjectively implicated. Don’t forget that whatever the outcome of all of this, I’ll still love you, and still support you. I really do get that you’re human, and fallible, but I also think that the trouble here is coming from elsewhere, not from you. Should it be proven otherwise, however, I will not stop loving you. This doesn’t change who you are to me.
That lightbulb I’ve been waiting for has possibly just hit. I’ve been seeking to understand the reality of my love for you, to determine whether I am in love with the real you, or a projection of you I have constructed. And I am now certain that it is you. If it was a projection of a perfection I had constructed, I would be unable to deal with the disruption of that image in the possibility of you being wrong in this matter. In fact, however, the possibility that you may be wrong does not in any way disrupt my feelings for you. I love you. And your humanity makes me love you more. Or at least, makes me understand my love for you better. The possibility that your broken marriage may be your doing first and foremost doesn’t make me want you any less. I’m certain that he manipulated you, but even if his story reveals that he feels manipulated, I still believe that we can create a functional relationship. That’s what marriage is about, after all. Taking two imperfect human beings, and working, unendingly, at making a life into which both fit productively. We’ll get there yet.
This is, I am told, potentially a healing understanding. I really hope that it offers you healing as much as me. I am learning that I am, in fact, capable of having a functional relationship. I hope you will realize that you are worth loving, and that you can be an equal agent in a loving relationship.
Your power is important to me. Because powerful women are one of the biggest turn-ons I know, or recognize. I am growing more fearful for your wellbeing moment by moment, because of info I shouldn’t have, but am receiving. How do I make all this work out in all our favour. I know I am taking too much responsibility for you, and your wellbeing, but I feel like it has been thrust upon me, whether I wanted to accept it or not.
I’m beginning to discover that I am protective of everyone, regardless of circumstance, or my relationship to them. Well, perhaps its time I became a little protective of myself, and my time, and my emotional space. I have emotional space for things and people who build me up, and keep me moving forward. And I have space for people who, by building them up, I can claim an investment in. I have space for mutuality, and joint nurturing, for circumstances which enrich us both, and partnerships that are growth orientated. I do not have space for partnerships that produce the level of anxiety in me that this working engagement is beginning to. And whether the anxiety is self-created, or something real and tangible, is irrelevant, if it is having an impact on me as extreme as the one I am at present experiencing. There is, therefore, no question as to where my loyalties lie. On the other hand, as my father pointed out, selective perception is a blessing too frequently overlooked. I don’t have to see even the information that is shoved in my face. You are aware of at least enough of the situation, and the modus operandi of the person in question, to know that self-protection is important now. And you know how I feel about you. And if you ever forget, I’ll send you a single long-stemmed red rose to remind you.
Update: 8 October 2005
I am out of that situation. I caved, and told her (ok, she dragged it out of me, after getting a hint about what was going on from other friends I was talking to), and through a little, departmentally approved white lie, I have been extracted. I feel guilty as hell, because I could have turned this into a disciplinary matter, which would have helped you out so much more, but I fear conflict, and a little voice in the back of my head continues to remind me that I could have been exposed to this information by accident, and could be overestimating the situation.
I know that you are being protected by particular higher-ups, and I’m relieved by that, but I suspect that the direction this trouble is headed, that may be more of a disadvantage, than an advantage. Don’t feel too safe. Don’t relax too much, but don’t loose sight of that perspective you mentioned. I’m afraid of losing sight of reality here, because I’m just so subjectively implicated. Don’t forget that whatever the outcome of all of this, I’ll still love you, and still support you. I really do get that you’re human, and fallible, but I also think that the trouble here is coming from elsewhere, not from you. Should it be proven otherwise, however, I will not stop loving you. This doesn’t change who you are to me.
That lightbulb I’ve been waiting for has possibly just hit. I’ve been seeking to understand the reality of my love for you, to determine whether I am in love with the real you, or a projection of you I have constructed. And I am now certain that it is you. If it was a projection of a perfection I had constructed, I would be unable to deal with the disruption of that image in the possibility of you being wrong in this matter. In fact, however, the possibility that you may be wrong does not in any way disrupt my feelings for you. I love you. And your humanity makes me love you more. Or at least, makes me understand my love for you better. The possibility that your broken marriage may be your doing first and foremost doesn’t make me want you any less. I’m certain that he manipulated you, but even if his story reveals that he feels manipulated, I still believe that we can create a functional relationship. That’s what marriage is about, after all. Taking two imperfect human beings, and working, unendingly, at making a life into which both fit productively. We’ll get there yet.
This is, I am told, potentially a healing understanding. I really hope that it offers you healing as much as me. I am learning that I am, in fact, capable of having a functional relationship. I hope you will realize that you are worth loving, and that you can be an equal agent in a loving relationship.
Your power is important to me. Because powerful women are one of the biggest turn-ons I know, or recognize. I am growing more fearful for your wellbeing moment by moment, because of info I shouldn’t have, but am receiving. How do I make all this work out in all our favour. I know I am taking too much responsibility for you, and your wellbeing, but I feel like it has been thrust upon me, whether I wanted to accept it or not.
I’m beginning to discover that I am protective of everyone, regardless of circumstance, or my relationship to them. Well, perhaps its time I became a little protective of myself, and my time, and my emotional space. I have emotional space for things and people who build me up, and keep me moving forward. And I have space for people who, by building them up, I can claim an investment in. I have space for mutuality, and joint nurturing, for circumstances which enrich us both, and partnerships that are growth orientated. I do not have space for partnerships that produce the level of anxiety in me that this working engagement is beginning to. And whether the anxiety is self-created, or something real and tangible, is irrelevant, if it is having an impact on me as extreme as the one I am at present experiencing. There is, therefore, no question as to where my loyalties lie. On the other hand, as my father pointed out, selective perception is a blessing too frequently overlooked. I don’t have to see even the information that is shoved in my face. You are aware of at least enough of the situation, and the modus operandi of the person in question, to know that self-protection is important now. And you know how I feel about you. And if you ever forget, I’ll send you a single long-stemmed red rose to remind you.
Update: 8 October 2005
I am out of that situation. I caved, and told her (ok, she dragged it out of me, after getting a hint about what was going on from other friends I was talking to), and through a little, departmentally approved white lie, I have been extracted. I feel guilty as hell, because I could have turned this into a disciplinary matter, which would have helped you out so much more, but I fear conflict, and a little voice in the back of my head continues to remind me that I could have been exposed to this information by accident, and could be overestimating the situation.
posted by choirgirl at 3:10 PM
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