I love you. I probably always will. But in the interim, I’m not above accepting companionship, affection, even love, from other sources. Is that mixing it up too much? I know you’re too soft-hearted to tell me to give you the time you need. I really want to. Will finding companionship in other places help me do that? Perhaps. I know I’m setting myself up for more heartbreak if I fall in love with her. She isn’t in this for the long term. And if she is, it’s long term, but on the side. Could I do that? I guess I’m about to find out. Why does this sound so possible, and exciting, when similar prospects in the past have felt wrong, scary, and perverse? I’m nervous as hell, but so excited.