Love of my life,
I feel like I don’t even know you. And I know it’s my own fault. I have been searching for something that may or may not exist, and projecting my image of it onto you. I have been trying to make you something I need to find within myself, and it’s been cramping your style, and shutting down our communication. I don’t think I have ever really looked into your eyes. I have images of you in my head that are based on photographs. A simulacra. I can’t form a coherent memory of you. I felt your presence today, and didn’t know how to respond, as per usual, and so I tried to be something I’m not. Instead of just relaxing into your presence. I don’t really know you, and it’s because I’ve never given you the opportunity to show me who you are. I haven’t been seeing you, I’ve been seeing the person I want to be, and it hasn’t been fair on either of us, you, because I’ve been placing responsibility for my happiness and hopes and future on you, and me, because I’ve been missing the opportunity to learn from you, to really get to know you, and to love and be loved by a real person, with real potential, and real hopes, and dreams, and issues of her own. Please forgive me. I understand if you feel trapped, and just want out, but if there is any chance I could really get to know you, really see you, I want to try to make it work.